is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
