i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
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That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
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Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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