Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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