There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
