Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
