I must be too annoying 4 u.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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