drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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