im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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