My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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