I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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