I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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