she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
