I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
