she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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