i just had sex bonerless
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
