I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
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He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
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found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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