Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
