Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
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