We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
