i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
