Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
