just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
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I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
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i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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