He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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