Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
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The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
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I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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