girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
