We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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