ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
