Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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