so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
