yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Randomize
