I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
