He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
