I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
