I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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