it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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