College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
He had one of those small greek statue penises
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
