yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
