Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
