apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
