I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Randomize
