you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
