i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
