just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
