Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
