i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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