So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
The air taste purple.
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