that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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