somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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