Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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