I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
bring money and cleavage
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
