i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
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