if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Randomize
