The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
