I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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