foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
