im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
