Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
