Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
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