I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
