And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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