Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
