this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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