Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
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