u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
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I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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