When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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