She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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