becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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