I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
