After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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