why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
