I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
