Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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