Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
