so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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