Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
