Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
