I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Just fell off a train. Bad.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
