You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
MIDGETS
????
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
