he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
