my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
