You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
