what if every blade of grass was a penis?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
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