Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
