He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
