She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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